Things Are Happening And That's Good

There have been so many things happening recently. Things that were set into motion when I was on vacation in Shanghai, and they are good things. Great things even.

Just a little recap, after a year of working on my little personal project, I went off to Shanghai where I completely slacked off on my blogging duties. I could make excuses and say that it was cause of the Great Firewall of China but I totally had a workaround for that. I was just too lazy to write about it. (I'll talk about it sometime soon I guess, but no promises)

Anyway, back to the main point. I've been given opportunities. Like legit, doors have been opened for me to go study in Australia. I ended up applying to QUT and Deakin, one in Queensland and the other in Melbourne, and so far, QUT has already sent me an offer letter.

My rep told me that before he can source out the sponsors and scholarships, I have to have an offer letter, and now I do. But the thing is, I don't know if I want QUT or Deakin now. Huge dilemma, since I want to make sure I go to the right place. But I'm no psychic, so all I can do is put all this in God's hands and say, "I'll go to whichever school is being paid for, cause that's what I can afford".

Tough choices all around, but all is well. I believe that much. Right now I'll just be waiting to see when the scholarships roll on in and whisk me away to the land Down Under.

Things are happening, and they're happening fast. And I can't wait to see what's in store for me next.

What I Learned From Disaster Movies

A few days ago, me and the family went to watch San Andreas because they were giving away free passes. Throughout the movie, they provided some pretty sound advice on disaster survival, which I think is pretty good of them. A+ on that front. But apart from the tips they gave out, I'm here to point out the more subtle bits that showed you the best way to survive.

1. Know How to Swim
There was a time when I did not know how to swim. And I did not want to learn. Mainly because swimming classes at the local pool were at 8AM and I did not want to get up that early to go sit in icy cold water and die of hypothermia.
But now that I do know how to swim, I've got to say that it's one of those skills I'm glad I have. Like riding a bike. Or being able to whip up raw cookie dough in 10 minutes.
So learn how to swim, no matter how unpleasant it might seem. Just take that bull by the horns and you'll be thankful you knew how, cause none of the characters in San Andreas would have survived if they didn't know how to swim.

2. Always Wear Sensible Shoes
I'm dedicating this tip to Clarissa, who was once caught in a dilemma between (very-uncomfortable) stilettos and kick-ass boots.
Not all boots are created equal. Some will serve you better on an uneven path, and others will make you look like a Charlie's Angel. But believe me when I say it is hella difficult to run at full speed in spike-heeled, knee-high boots. Regardless of how easy Lucy Liu made it look.
So go for the ones with thick soles and steel toes, so when you have to kick away debris to save your trapped family, it'd be easier.

3. Keep a Cool Head
I'm not entirely sure how accurate this factoid is, but when you're panicking, your IQ drops by half. So when you're in a nasty situation, try your utmost best to be as calm as possible. I understand when the adrenaline's pumping and you feel like vomiting out of nervousness, it's hard to think straight. So take a deep breath and assess the situation, cause if you don't, you might make things worse for everyone.

4. Travel With At Least One Other Person
Unless you're some sort of amazing survival expert with the ability to live in the woods with nothing but a knife, then it's pretty much a good idea to travel with one other person. Apart from giving important morale support in the most difficult times, they can watch your back and help you get through some problems that you didn't realize were even there. Also, if you get hurt, they can be there to help out.
So yes, employ the buddy system.

5. Hold Hands in Crowds
There was one bit in the whole movie that had me a little bit skeptical. When they were escaping the falling buildings and whatnot, they were holding hands as they ran. When you're in a crowd, holding your hands to stick together is a great strategy to employ, so by all means, interlock your limbs. But if you're trying to escape a horrible fate of being squashed by a collapsing building, might I recommend not holding hands.
I get it that holding hands would mean a feeling of solidarity, like an "if you die, I'll die too" kind of deal. But if you really want to optimize speed, and therefore survival, just run like the wind and focus on getting back together later.
I assure you. You're faster if you're not dragging a person behind you, and you have a better chance of surviving.

So there's my list of tiny things to remember if you're to survive a disaster! Be it a small hurricane or a Hollywood-worthy apocalypse, just try to stay calm and think through the problems and you'll be a-okay.

3 Ways To Tell You're Successful

What is success, really? Is it being good at your job? Is it making a living doing what you love? Is it having fame, fortune, and being adored by your millions of adoring fans? I don't think there's an actual, solid answer to that question.

Success is by default a very abstract concept, and therefore it can be subjective. As in, different people might define success in vastly different ways. But for me, I've compiled a Top 3 list. If any of these things happen in real life I'll know I've finally made it. (And can give my children ridiculous names without being ridiculed for it)

I'm not saying it's a good decision. I'm saying it's your decision.

People you don't know have a tattoo you inspired. One of the most permanent forms of flattery. It might be your face, or a little symbol, or some song lyrics or whatever. If someone you have never ever met is willing to put up with actual pain and pay actual money to get something permanently inked onto their skin, you'll know you managed to do something pretty darn good.

Look at this child. Just begging to have his mind poisoned.

People are saying you're influencing their children. One day, ultra-conservative parents might even say that I am planting horrible ideas into the minds of young, impressionable children and should have my work banned from schools and public libraries. If this actually happens, it means I would have already been quite established as an author and that means I can begin recruiting my child army I will have had already gained enough influence for parents to fear I'm tainting their sweet children. Yes, cower and worry. Your fear nourishes me.

But if this actually happens it would probably be pretty irritating cause when people are saying you're evil, then you're naturally tempted to prove them right and release the flying monkeys on them.

A researcher looked at this fly and thought that it was bootylicious. Uh...

When you have an animal named after you. Pictured above is Queen Bey next to a horse fly named after her. Scaptia beyonceae. Why? Cause of that golden butt. I don't know how Beyoncé actually feels about this, but at least she'd never have to wonder about her fame ever again. At the same time, entomology students will have to put up with their professors' Bootylicious jokes every time this fly comes up.

So if one day I wake up and the news is reporting how I've had a wasp named after me or One Million Moms is mad at me cause my books are 'a bad influence', I'll know I've made it into the big leagues. And when that happens, I might finally be justified to buy an Iron Throne just to sit on when guests are around. It might be a few years before that happens, but till then, a guy can dream.

Peanut Butter + Banana Biscuits

What happens when I have to do a time-sensitive project with an entry expiry date? Start off early and not have to worry about it like a responsible adult? HAHAHAHAHA, nope. I'm not a role model adult. I'm not like other adults. I'm a cool adult. That one who will buy you ice-cream when your mom's not looking. But I digress.

So my friends pointed out this competition by Malaysian daily The Star. The R.AGE Food Fight, which is a competition where we have to upload a video of us preparing an original dish, write a blogpost about it, and then submit through e-mail. So I thought, why not? I've just finished my manuscript and I've got nothing better to do while I wait for my beta readers, so I might as well.

Yep. That's my entry. A put-together-at-the-last-minute video with the most basic of equipment, materials, and software. But for something done at 6AM (my entire family was busy with a gathering that went on far longer than we all thought), I'd say that it was okay in terms of effort, considering the fact that I very nearly passed out halfway through.

So if you don't want to or can't watch the video for reasons, I've broken down the recipe here for you to follow. It really is one of my favourite things to bake since it's so versatile, super-light, and they melt in your mouth. Addictive pieces of peanut butter and banana clouds, really.

Pictured: Real-Life Witchcraft

INGREDIENTS:

• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 cup softened butter
• 2 tablespoons palm oil
• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 1/2 cup peanut butter (smooth or crunchy)
• 1 egg
• 1 mashed banana
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 small bag M&M's (for decoration)

DIRECTIONS:

Preheat the oven to 350F/177C, and prepare a baking sheet by lining it with parchment paper.

In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, salt, and cinnamon until completely combined. Set aside to a safe spot.

In your mixer bowl, cream together butter and brown sugar until light, for about 1 minute or so. Add in peanut butter, egg, mashed banana, and vanilla. Continue mixing on medium until combined. Then mix in dry ingredients until combined.

Measure out a balls of dough and set on parchment paper. Do not let them touch. Decorate with one M&M each. Then let cool on wire rack.

Serve with tea or coffee.

So there we go. That's how you make Peanut Butter + Banana Biscuits. Just make sure your banging around in the kitchen at 6AM doesn't wake anybody in the house. I'm sure with both hands, this recipe will be much easier to follow than when you have to concentrate on holding a phone steady in the other.

But anyway, Happy Baking!

Stars

Hey everyone, Jake here. I've decided that I'm gonna' put up little short stories here whenever I feel the itch to write them. They might be semi-regular, or who knows, maybe even a weekly thing. Only time will tell, eh? Ahahaha, yep. Please. Enjoy. Or I will be displeased.

*******

It's amazing how bright the sky is tonight. I never knew you could see this many stars in the suburbs. Too bright, usually. But I can see them perfectly right now, from my little spot in the middle of the road. Amazing how okay I am with this. If I lie still and not move, it's almost comfy.

Ow. Yeah, if I try not to move it's an alright place to be. Almost comfy.

Why am I even lying on the road anyway? Isn't that dangerous? What's wrong with me? Oh wait. Yeah. The kid. The stupid little kid. I can hear him crying. He's not hurt, is he?

"Shit, are you okay?"

Who's that? Huh. Middle-aged guy. Brown hair. Brown eyes. Looks like a dad. You know the type. Suburban type, nine-to-five job, always holding a beer while he stands near the grill at the party.

"Just stay with me, kid," he says, his voice kind of urgent. "What's your name?"

I cough. Damn, it hurt to cough. That sucks.

"Sam," I manage. It's barely audible to my own ears. I hope this guy caught it. I don't really want to keep talking. Hurts too much to talk. Takes too much energy.

"Sam?" says the man, sounding almost relieved. "Sam, I've called 911, they should be here any minute now. Just stay with me."

He holds my hand in his, in that gentle way that feels like he's afraid to break something. His hands are warm. Kind of clammy though. In fact, he looks kind of sweaty all over. Pale too. Is he sick?

"Sam, focus on my voice," he says. This guy really has that sense of urgency in his tone. Wonder if he's rushing to be someplace. "Talk to me. How old are you?"

Weird question.

"Ni... Nineteen," I whisper. It's taking a bit too much effort to talk now. Another cough. This one tastes a bit rusty. Ew. I really feel like puking.

"Nineteen," he laughs. Sounded really nervous. I wonder why. Is nineteen a funny number? Maybe it reminds him of a joke. Like the other one. How did it go again? 7-8-9, or something.

"Stars," I sigh. Every word I say is so dry in my mouth but he has got to see these stars.

"Yeah, Sam," he nods, one hand gently touching my face.

Whoa, dude. Boundaries. At least buy me a drink first. Heh. Wait a second. Did he say something about 911? What's up with that? I can hear an ambulance somewhere. Did something happen? That kid's still crying. Why is he crying? I have so many questions but I just can't be bothered to ask them right now.

It's starting to get really cold out here. Autumn and I'm out without a coat. Genius of the Year, right?

"Sam?" he says. "Sam, stay awake."

No. I think I'll go to bed. I'm starting to get used to the cold. It's not bothering me as much. I can't be bothered to get up anyway.

"Sam," he says again, more urgently this time. He slaps my face a bit. "Sam, wake up."

I look to the side, trying to avoid being slapped some more. Hey. Where did that car come from? The front lights look cracked. Is this his car? He should really take care of it a bit more. Maybe it got vandalized.

"I-Is-Is he okay?" the kid sobs. Hey, look who stopped crying. Well, no wonder he was crying. He's skinned his knees. Poor guy. Probably while running home or something.

"Yeah," the man says, not taking his eyes off me. "Yeah, he's going to be fine."

The ambulance is getting louder now. But it's starting to sound muffled. Like I'm underwater or something. I cough again, this time in the guy's face.

"Sor... ree..." Seriously. I wasn't trying to cough in your face, man. Now I've got red stuff all over your nice white shirt. Little cherries in fresh cream. Ah, I'd kill for some of that right now. It'd make everything perfect.

Things are getting really comfy now. I can't hear the ambulance anymore, which is nice. Peaceful. I think the guy is crying but I can't really hear him. He looks blurry. I'm getting really sleepy. Warm even. I don't want to get up. And the stars. Look at those stars. I never knew you could see this many stars in the sub...

That One Time I Almost Got Stuck in a Foreign Communist Country

Gather round, everyone, cause I'm going to tell a little story about that one time I very nearly missed my flight because that was just the sort of thing I was prone to do. Hopefully those days are behind me, but they're probably not.

Anyway, this happened a few years back. I'd just finished a lovely trip to Shanghai, visited family, went sightseeing, and did a whole bunch of tourist stuff. Like go to the aquarium without knowing how much it was (my cousin was paying) and then freaking out over the ridiculous summer prices. I love aquariums but I still wouldn't have paid that much to see fish swimming.

Where I learnt to haggle from my aunt. She haggles like an assassin.

So it was the last day of my stay in China, and I'd taken a shuttle bus all the way from Shanghai to Hangzhou cause back then, Hangzhou International Airport was the closest airport to Shanghai that had AirAsia flights. That meant I was all alone while waiting for my flight back to Malaysia. In hindsight, this might have been a mistake cause I was me. In my teen years. Not always the brightest.

Artist's rendition. Which makes it look not so much like in my memory.

So when the bus dropped us off at the airport around 9AM, the first thing I did was check my ticket. My flight was at 10:30AM, which meant I had an hour to spare. Sweet. So I chilled, going into the only shop they had and bought a magazine to flip through while I waited (total waste of money cause my Chinese sucks). Every ten minutes, I'd glance at the monitor they had that told us when the flights were boarding.

And let me just point out that the status for my flight was frozen at 'Checking In'. That didn't mean it was boarding, which in my head meant I had more time. That 'Checking In' status had been there since I'd stepped into the airport, so obviously I'd already done that part and my luggage with their mysterious cargo people. So I was wondering why the hell they weren't boarding my flight yet. Then at 10:31AM, I noticed the large group of Chinese tourists sitting in a corner waiting area had already disappeared.

Heart hammering. Palms sweating. I went up to the information counter and asked if they were boarding my flight yet since their dang monitors weren't saying anything.

"Oh, that flight has left already, sir," the lady replied. Shit.
"What?" I said. In my head, I quickly went through all the options I had.

1. Contact my family and ask them to bring me back to Shanghai then get another ticket for the next day. Not ideal. They'd probably be frustrated with me.
2. Cry like a baby and beg them to just give me a seat on the next flight.
3. Act outraged that their monitor was so broken and still displaying the flight status as 'Checking In'.

I started to go with Number 3. Not always the best thing to do, but the two other choices were probably worse. So I started with a frown and mentioned the monitor status. So the lady called some people and mentioned that I'd missed the boarding to them over the phone.

"You're in luck, sir," she said. "The flight hasn't left yet."

"Oh, thank you for your help," I said, as calmly as I could. Thank God. I was so relieved I nearly passed out.

Within five minutes, a pretty flight attendant appeared out of nowhere, hair flying, and walking as fast as she could on her little stilettos.

"Thank goodness you're here," she exclaimed. "We were all panicking over you."

"Oh, really?" I asked, feeling sheepish. "Sorry. The monitors were acting iffy."

"Next time, better to just follow the time on your ticket."

She had me breezing through security, skipping over lines and everything. It was so convenient a part of me was actually thinking, "I feel like a frickin' VIP. We should be late more often." Before I knew it, I was in my window seat next to a lovely couple of elderly Chinese ladies who were going to Malaysia on vacation.

"So you were the one we were waiting for," one of them chuckled in the way old people do.

Then I spent the next 5 hours giving them tips on Malaysian culture and telling them not to go out too late in Kuala Lumpur because there was a crazed acid-splasher on the loose. I am so good for our country's tourism.

So that's the story of how I single-handedly delayed a flight, managed to get on it in the end, apologized sheepishly to everyone I stepped past on the plane, and then told two sweet old ladies about the possible dangers of this tropical paradise.

The End

P.S. - Thank you, helpful flight attendant who was still pleasant even after I delayed the flight and probably got you in trouble. Wherever you are now, bless your heart

P.P.S .- I don't think I marred our country's image that badly, since the two ladies were actually super excited about gambling at Genting Highlands and I told them about how delightful the place was.

The Manuscript is Done

The manuscript I've been working on is done. A project I've been spending months and months losing sleep over is finally finished. And now comes the next bit: Finding an agent to work with, and crossing my fingers hoping that my book manages to snag a contract with one of the big publishing houses.

I have to say, the moment I finished that last sentence and hit the 'Save' button, it felt really good. Like a huge weight had been lifted off, all because the manuscript was done. It felt amazing. It feels good to look at this thing and think, "Hey, I made this. This is essentially what makes a book and I managed to do it." It's delightful, that's what it is.

So now I'm gonna' spend some time looking up some agents to contact and see if any of them want to take this ride with me. Wish me luck, guys.